Sunday, June 26, 2011


You can try to make me go away. You can try to erase what we had and what could have been. But as much as you're running, you'll never get far enough away. See, you can't leave. You'll be chained until you can forgive me. Forgive me for everything you pinned to me. Everything that was not near my fault, but placed on my shoulders. So, run.

Run, run, run. Everyday. But, you're running in place. While I am free, you are stepping without moving. Caught in an infinite embrace. Stop fighting, stop numbing. Feel and move on.

You will lose this race, over and over. But, run.

Until you're too weak to stand.

Saturday, June 25, 2011


You have a secret
But as do I

See, you never fail
to remain silent
and I never fail to respond

But, you will falter
to continue
and I will be okay

Because, you are you
to no standard
and I hold you to more

So, you think of me
to keep you warm
and I will dream of who you could be

You have a secret
But as do I, have many
and You and I share some dreams

Friday, June 24, 2011


I want to feel the wind. To know, without any doubt, that something in this life is moving. I want to feel the wind brush against my cheek and blow my hair across my face. I want to feel the air.

I want to feel the sun. To know, without any doubt, that something in this life is warm. I want to feel the sun shine against my cheek and warm my neck with it's glow. I want to feel the light.

I want to feel the rain. To know, without any doubt, that something in this life is capable of emotion. I want to feel the rain pour against my cheek and run down my face. I want to feel the liquid.

I want to feel the dirt. To know, without any doubt, that something in this life is growing. I want to feel the dirt against my feet and between my toes. I want to feel the solid ground.

I want to feel the Lord. To know, without any doubt, that something in this life is loving. I want to feel the strength in my heart and the expanse in my mind. I want to feel the truth.

Thursday, June 23, 2011


I kind of like living with nothing to lose. When He says follow, it means going, leaving everything else behind. And for the first time in a long time I'm not tied down. While it seems lonely sometimes, aimless others, I can take comfort in my ability to "just go". Having nothing to stop me at the moment, no real tie to any job, boy, apartment, town. I am a willing and aimlessly wondering individual that is in a position to be used. Not by anyone, but by Him. And that is enough, really, to get me through the day and through the entire night. The deal is I can't get close, not to you, or you, or even you, because that'll give me something that I'll want to hold on to. That will bring me to investing more than I could ever leave. Why did it take me so long to find this clue, to find this hint at life? I am me, for Him. And that's exactly what I was made to be. While I might be dealing, fighting, and stirring everything in my heart, I have never been so calm. Never felt such clarity, healing, and peace. And this is the way it should be.

Sunday, June 19, 2011


Oh how I love Sunday mornings
Get up, grab some coffee, go to church
Oh how I love to just sit there
and watch God work

Oh how somedays it can be sunshine
and you can close your eyes and go to the next
How it can be ups and downs, crazy turns, spin around
But all the while, He's holding your hand

It's been two months since you left me
Since you walked away out the door
Yet so many mornings I wake up
to see you there lying on my floor

But this is me finally saying
Finally wanting you gone
I don't understand where this got messed up
Where I went wrong, but here's my song

Come Back and pick up your ghost
Pick up your baggage
Get the dirty laundry from the floor
I don't want you here anymore

I never though I'd make it out here alone
Every time I come home, I just sit on the floor
Running circles in my mind forevermore

I don't understand how you have power
You're up in your city at your job
And I come home night after night
Feeling the same, sitting all alone

It's like you're dictating my motions
Sitting right there on your throne
Who made you king, who made you prince of anything?
Especially in my home, so here I go

Come pick up your baggage from my floor
Come grab your dirty laundry, I don't want it anymore
Come pick up your ghost, walk away
Walk out my door

It's been two months since you really left me
Every morning I'm tired of waking up empty
Oh make you go away
I don't want you to stay, anymore

So please pick up your ghost
Pick up your baggage from my living room floor
I don't want it anymore
Call a cab, walk out the door

When you leave take away the rain and my pain
So I don't have to wake up everyday feeling the same
I'm through, take your ghost away
Hey, Hey, Hey

I don't want to walk in shame
I don't want to live this everyday
I'm letting go
I don't want your ghost here anymore

So take away the rain
Walk away and take my pain
I can't stand you being here again
Can't stand you, my end

Don't know how I let it get this bad
Don't understand why you've left
and I still feel sad
Oh how I don't understand

Oh how it's funny how it works out
How the shine from behind the clouds can shine out
How a little hope can make it through the rain
So today

Pick up your ghost from my door
Come grab your baggage from my floor
Come get your two stupid shirts from my the back of my closet
Take your dirty laundry out of my washer

Take your presents, your gifts and those memories
Put it all away, walk away
Close the door
And don't forget to take the rain

All my dreams for us and my hopes
All your broken promises, and my broken notes
Take it all away
Get your ghost and go away

I can't sit here another day
Listening to thunder storms when I should be having a great day
Oh how I'm sick of all this pain
And all this rain

Oh how God can rock my world
Can rock me right down to my core
Bring me right to my knees
Right down to praying Rescue Me

Oh how His timing works out
How it shines in these clouds and goes around
Oh how rainbows can cover you
Oh how God loves now

How He can see me here
Hear my cries and come near
How He can pick up my broken heart
and glue it back together

So today, I won't ask you again
come back and pick up my old friend
Put him away
as God takes away my pain

Oh put him away
Oh I won't wait another day

Because oh how I can be
So distracted
distraught, on my knees
Begging please, Lord, rescue me

Oh don't you wait
Don't you stay right there
Come pick up your laundry and disappear
Oh, in the name of my God, I won't let it rain another day

Oh how I love Sunday mornings
Get up, grab coffee, go to church
How I can worship my God
A God that loves me the most

And how his love shines down
through all the clouds
Oh, how his love loves me now
Loves me now

Now that you're not around


These days it's all about the investment. Between friends. Between parents. All relationships. You are who is invested in you. We all wake up alone, and everyday we count on those who love us to show up. So here I find myself wondering if I'm worthy of the first text, the first call, the first hug. I don't know. Everyday is different. Everyday is filled with new hopes, new letdowns, and new emotions. We are all merely empty glasses waiting to be refilled. We drink daily from what people give us. So, it does matter, that small hug. That smile. That compliment. That text or call. It all adds drops to our thirsty souls. See the Lord never meant for us to do this alone. We can't. While he can quench our thirst, and he can give us bread to eat so we do not hunger, we will never make it alone. We need community. All of us.

So we will be who invests in us. Whether it be the pot head or the church leader. Whoever makes us feel worthy of the first text or the night out, will be how we value ourselves. If the drug dealer shows interest when your church group doesn't even seem to know you're gone... Human nature causes us to love what loves us. After all, why would we do anything without getting anything in return? Why go to Bible study if no one cares if you go? Why go drinking if you love people who don't? We are who invests in us. If we are loved by people that want us to get an education, we will. If we are loved by pot dealers and jail birds, why wouldn't we follow their laziness?

So be that person. Be the person that loves for good. Be that person that invests in the lonely, the lost, the low. They need you. Even the loved need you. Everyone depends on the attention of others. To be worthy of love. Even though, as we are only human, we will let them down, do what you can. Do what you can now. Because now is what matters. Today, tomorrow, next week. Make them know, you care, they matter. Because without some good light, without some positive investment, we'll all fail. We'll all invest in the lowest of low, in the actions that lead us to a desert instead of the sea. Even those that seem most loved or most solid, still need a drink. Sometimes as much as those that are knee deep in desert sand. We all wake up empty, lost in a wasteland, waiting for a little love.

You will become who invests in you. And they will be who invests in them. We all have the power to show a little of God's love, share a little of his truth, of his drink. So let them know, they're worthy of the water.

Monday, June 13, 2011


Everything is lost
Thrown into midair

Everything is gone
Nothing is there

I could tear myself into a thousand pieces
One thousand pieces

And catch fire
And who would be there to save me?

Monday, June 6, 2011


When you find them, hold on tight. Don't let them slip away through miscommunications or stupid interjections. Hold on tight to the people you can count on. And let them be able to count on you. Because good people are hard to find, and the best people are even harder to find. So hold on. Tight.

Sunday, June 5, 2011


It's hard not to believe. For me, how could my life not have been planned? Every moment, every second, every smile, every text, every tear. How could it not add up? Life is a series of points, where everything comes together for a short moment and then becomes chaos again. And in these short moments, we can have every comfort, every bit of love, and every bit of clarity. We can see what makes every other miserable second worth it. And that's life. Living every moment until we find ourselves in one where our hearts are genuinely happy. These points all push us closer to where we are supposed to be, every point on the map, perfectly planned and guided. How could it be any other way? How could we not be in constant preparation for the points to come? With everything I've been through, every experience, teared or smiling, fearing or laughing, it all adds up. Life is nothing but one plus one. We just can't see it. We complicate everything, and miss the simple miracles. The daily points when everything comes together. And as soon as we open our eyes, we'll find two is always the answer. Always.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


White and Black
Dark and Light

You color my world

Shades of grey
Shades of life

Right in the middle

The eye of the storm