tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15791982022009718592024-02-20T09:21:54.143-08:00Meus VicisAn Ebb and FlowErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-426395734977233232016-02-22T18:19:00.000-08:002016-02-22T18:20:29.979-08:00QuietAn old draft I've finally published:<br />
<br />
It takes being content to see it clearly. To be calm in your fear, to be quiet and hear God's whisper. This however takes many moments to learn, many to capture, and many many more to master. But one day, when you have reached far past desperation, when you have almost given up hope, it will come to you. In only a glimmer: tiny, almost inconceivable, floating off in the distance. And you'll reach for it. And that's when you'll feel it at your fingertips. Love, dancing between your painted nails.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-5779629257149070252013-06-04T20:44:00.000-07:002013-06-04T20:44:29.565-07:00Blurry or not blurry?It would be quite fitting that I stumble my way back here at exactly this date: two days away from it being an entire year from my last posting.<br />
<br />
Simply putting it, I've been busy. But if we're being honest, I've been living, which is a lot more than just having a busy schedule. I've been up and down and this way and that, emotions to emotionless, tired to awake, drunk to sober. And in no particular order. But that's life isn't it? A constant mess of a timeline that won't make sense to anyone unless in hindsight.<br />
<br />
So here's to blurry vision. Arrows. Wands. Newspapers. Wine. And pillows. All of which I've had almost a lethal dose of this year.<br />
<br />
See me for what you will, or don't. At this point — frankly — I couldn't care less.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-44393455438821176162012-06-06T23:01:00.002-07:002012-06-06T23:01:18.541-07:00Inhale, ExhaleThings have been a little intense around here lately. I wanted to drop in, but it will only be for a bit. I guess I finally had some time to sit without immediate distraction. Finally listened to some of the new Coldplay album. The song Charlie Brown (the original album version) reminded me of the person I used to be a little bit. Or I shouldn't say used to be, the person I am, the part of me that's a little hidden right now. I guess, the person I'd be if I had one day to be completely still.<br />
<br />
There's about ten or fifteen seconds on the end of the song that switch to a couple chords of piano. It was so peaceful and complete, it gave me goosebumps. Good goosebumps. The kind that makes me want to relive those few moments, where one breath could make me calm, collected, you know, the kind of moment that makes me feel close. Close to whatever you feel close to- love, God, God and love, life... whatever it is that causes a moment of reality to intercede with whatever alternate universe and spiritual realm that's out there. The kind of pause at which the whole Earth stops for you and every drop of air is clarity, and you breath it in. So it seemed enough to write about. Because, after all, as long as you still have those kind of moments, then you're still in touch. Not in touch with reality, but in touch with the more important part, the part that goes beyond everything we can see. The moment where you feel what your heart feels, but with your fingertips. When you can touch the un-touchable, you can close your eyes and imagine the un-imaginable. And for these moments we can reach out of this world and into Eden with all it's inviting waterfalls. It's like the whole universe lines up for you for one brief moment.<br />
<br />
And then you exhale.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-7939917248507170112012-03-22T21:57:00.000-07:002012-03-22T21:57:21.403-07:00EquationsI guess at some point I finally opened my eyes. Has anyone else noticed that there is actually no color in this world, just splotches of mix-match greys. There is clearly a right and wrong, drawn in a black sharpie line across the floor. But that's just a line, a small insignificant scratch that is barely even noticeable unless you're looking for it. And no one lives there. It's not even a fence. One might hardly call it a line. So besides that, it's all grey area. It's all moral code that there exists no common knowledge for. Everyone has their own interpretation. Their own fears and yes and no and blah blah blah. See, I think there's three types of people in this world: those that see the world in color, those who see the world in black and white, and those people like me.<br />
<br />
Those who see it in color don't even know the half of it. But then again maybe that's how they get by. Equations. Yes and no, dark and light, acceptable and unacceptable. And they can go on searching their whole lives for what they feel is missing. I can tell you right now that no amount of color and cheer in this world will ever feel that space, you can't get grey out of blue, red or yellow.<br />
<br />
And for those who see it as black and white, well we can just call them robots. They'll never really see any good in things, because with such a stark contradiction existing in their lives how will they ever take risks.<br />
<br />
Then there's me. And hopefully more people like me out there. You can have just enough distinction with grey which it's tones and shades and still hold on to sanity. See when you see the world for what it is, nothing will matter, except happiness. Not money or careers or colleges. Not even food. Because with simplicity comes the ability to be content, and subsequently happiness. When you realize that the only point of life is to be happy and get through it, you can take comfort in two other things. One, that if our point is to get through, call it a race or game or whatever, then we know it is won. God did that much for us. Even more if we allow. And secondly, we can really do no wrong. Their are no wrong choices if we're just trying to be happy. And here comes that line. It's a thin one. But it's a lot easier to see once the color fades and you can focus on the important things. And with that tiny, seeming minuscule line, we can make it through.<br />
<br />
It's funny how much clarity you can get with just simplicity. What if there was no "a + b = c", what if it was just "a + b"? And all that mattered was finding a good "b" to go with your "a"? And what if any of the variables could be plugged in to create happiness? Perhaps this is all in my head, but it's nice to know I actually have some clear thought process left, even if I'm the only one who understands it.<br />
<br />
Someone close to me told me I run almost purely on emotions. I think that's a good thing. It gives me a head start on this happiness thing. I'll be able to feel it, and even more importantly feel it when it's wrong. I've recently spent a lot of time thinking of "what-ifs" and other paths, while I keep forgetting my decisions made, the only thing holding me back is fear and confusion. So in knowing myself, I can know I'm making the right choice. I know I'd never choose anything for "c". The outcome is not what I count on, it's the variable. And I'd never forgive myself for coloring the trees green or opening my eyes to black and white. It's grey. It always will be. It's one day at a time. And that is what matters. What good is an outcome if you have no one to share it with? After all, "a" plus nothing would leave "a = c", an equation that would never make sense and always be missing something.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-48015537944304855172012-03-01T22:26:00.000-08:002012-03-01T22:26:35.858-08:00Down the RoadI've been thinking about change a lot recently. Change that will alter everything in my life right now. And the reason I haven't made a final decision about this change? Fear. Not that it will be wrong, just everything else. The consequences, the voices, the rumors. What they will say? Why am I so scared to talk about this? Maybe because I know what you will say, and perhaps I will be forced to stand still. I'm not exactly sure. Since that day, I have regretted my choice. The Lord has blessed me in my circumstance, but I'm ready to come home. I'm just afraid I won't be able to. How can I explain or make them understand? I guess it will just involve another one of those leaps of faith. I guess in my life, I have seen God in my steps, but where they have led me makes me question. How can I trust myself to make decisions, if just that has led me here? I guess, where He lights the path, I will take a step. And I will humble myself to criticism and mistake. Without that, I will get nowhere. After all there is no excuse to give up. No excuse not to fight for what will make you feel at home. See, we live in a constant battle. It's one thing to admit our mistakes. It's yet another thing to correct them. And even harder? Accepting them. At least I can hold tight to the fact that with the Lord on my side, I can win this war. In fact, it is already won. The past is the past. It's not about where you came here or how you got here. It's about what you decide to do now, where you decide to go. And when I make my decision, it's about movement. Trust, acceptance, and running the race. If I can't put my first foot to the pavement, what good is it to think? What good is it to live? And I suppose when it gets down to it, I'm not asking for permission. I'm asking for acceptance. What does it matter if I actually get it? I guess I need to take my own advice here, and stop sitting, stop pitying myself. I need to get up and slip on my running shoes. It's time to fight the fear, and start running for what I need. For what is being called of me. And God willing, it will go a little easier than I imagine...Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-87630541906296786202012-01-29T22:41:00.000-08:002012-01-29T22:41:39.198-08:00RamblingI don't remember the point that life became truly difficult. I must have been asleep. Or drunk. Because somewhere alone the way, I lost it. And I'm all alone, more than half the time. And I don't know what to do. I don't think this will get any easier. Or maybe I do. It'll be that last year. Maybe then it'll be more feasible, because then the light at the tunnel will actually be visible. It won't be abstract, it'll be real. And maybe this fairy tale will actually appear on the page. But now, I'm just rambling to an empty room.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-83618583490121309072011-12-12T20:37:00.000-08:002011-12-12T20:37:46.872-08:00The DistanceI will change the world for you. And that's the problem. At any moment will I cease to be worth it? Because I will find a way, when there seems to be none. I will. No questions asked, no second guessing or back-up planning. And that's why I'm worried. See, how far will you go? And will I ever really know?Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-83482148336487332342011-11-15T21:57:00.000-08:002011-11-15T21:57:08.054-08:00Being HumbleThere are few virtures that I can claim I hold... okay, maybe none that I can grasp completely. Patience, I have some of. But really being humble, that's one I feel holds the most importance. And trust me, I am far from humble. It's hard to admit your wrongs and pass up the gold stars. But here I am learning. Thank you God for the bumps in the road that make me more humble. You have taught me to apologize. And this is something I have seemed to have forgotten, but thank you for reminding me.<br />
<br />
I'm sorry I forgot to remember.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-41690002160173081372011-10-24T21:43:00.000-07:002011-11-01T23:04:55.481-07:00LayeredI am split between three worlds. I live in three places. There is a fierce battle of my time, my mind, and my hands. Constantly, going, not a chance to rest. I am carefully torn. How long can I live like this? I'm not sure what to do, or where to turn. Balance at its worst. So much to keep up with and so much to lose. And some how, so far, I'm not lost. But soon, too soon, I'm going to unweave, and who will be there to tend to me with threads and sewing needles? Wish I could freeze time and take a breath. But since when does life take orders from us? When did we think we earned the right to take the wheel and drive?<br />
<br />
I guess the one good thing for me is it's three. And three has always been my lucky number.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-46031361810675067852011-10-04T23:20:00.000-07:002011-10-04T23:20:08.239-07:00BlindI can't sleep. My mind won't stop rolling on. Thinking of you. Consuming. I should have, should have, should have known. All this time. Why was I missing this?Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-87152808598439909762011-09-07T20:57:00.001-07:002011-09-07T21:00:14.447-07:00Hourglass Beach<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">This is what I know of warmth and winter</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Waiting in this most December</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Standing weak and hiding weary</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">On this beach, so bleak, so dreary</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Cold wet toes, as I stand</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Upon my line drawn in the sand</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Should I cross it if he does come</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Or will my will yet stand undone</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">From spring to shriveled icy leaves</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I seem to wait eternally </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">To burning sunset in the dusk</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Like a statue I do rust</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Waiting, hoping, thick and thin</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">That True Love’s hand will so lend</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">So one day upon my eyes</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I will see my love and he be mine</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">And I will whisper through the snow </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">A warmth of gain few do know</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">But ‘till that day to light from dark</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">The day at hence I will depart</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I will wait by my line</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Searching, waiting, watching time</span>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-6310352239963375382011-09-06T21:59:00.000-07:002011-09-06T21:59:44.189-07:00BandaidsBaby it hurts inside<br />
Come here and make me close my eyes<br />
Hold me tight until the sunrise<br />
I just want to rest a while<br />
<br />
I don't know why this pain's so bad<br />
It's been healing, for months I've had<br />
You've been near me and I'm worth all of that<br />
I wish he'd leave me, and leave me flat<br />
<br />
Because Baby, why did I ever deserve this?<br />
Why am I left hurting?<br />
Why am I left burning?<br />
I'm worth all I have, all I've missed<br />
<br />
So, Baby just drive fast<br />
Put the car in drive and press on the gas<br />
I need you first and I need you last<br />
Stand tall and pick up the glass<br />
<br />
I miss your smile and your light laugh<br />
I miss your strong arms and the fun we've had<br />
Come quickly now just like a race<br />
I need you now, your warm embrace<br />
<br />
Baby, hold me, small in your hands<br />
Be my peace, my calm, my raging man<br />
My somber beach, water and the sands<br />
Snow and slope, a safe place to land<br />
<br />
Be my guard house, my light house,<br />
Out on the prowl<br />
Safe fences, sweet kisses,<br />
Oh, I'm home now<br />
<br />
Oh, I'm home nowErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-35181044623806366512011-09-04T23:24:00.000-07:002011-09-04T23:24:10.288-07:00PonderingI close my eyes and see your face<br />
I crave your blue eyes and your close embrace<br />
<br />
Where are you now?<br />
How many miles away?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-79206812505398486512011-09-03T19:07:00.000-07:002011-09-03T19:07:44.135-07:00Losing GripThe sad thing is, you are but a dream to me. No more real than the distant thoughts of typical college aged girl, wishing to be loved and kissed and to be asked to dance. And you forget that for moments at a time you can hold me, but at some point, perhaps today or tomorrow or sometime soon, I will wisp away like an evaporating tear. And just like that I'll be gone in your rear view mirror.<br />
<br />
So do me this favor. Decide now, not later.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-5978831084428454762011-09-03T13:11:00.000-07:002011-09-03T13:11:40.740-07:00The MantleIf you wonder why I am silent, it is because silence is never ruined. The most quiet things are those not touched, or changed, or over worked. Silence saves. It keeps the beautiful beautiful and keeps the nail un-rusted. The things I speak less of are those most important. Those that I keep in a glass case on my mantle and dust everyday. Those things are my most cherished moments, and keeping them silent and hidden keeps them safe. Safe from harm, from ruin, from disappearance. They keep their value. So I seal my lips and keep hidden my heart and it's mantle and all that lies there. The beauty of treasure is the journey to find it. And those that find it, can add themselves to my collection of glory.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-45785114928624919312011-08-24T16:20:00.000-07:002011-08-24T16:20:24.574-07:00Calm WatersFor the first time, I know what I should be doing. And that is nothing. Life should be coming to me. I do not need to worry or plan. No more running or backing up. All there is is a slow steady, calming movement forward. Like floating. Floating down a soft stream in God's hands. I am supposed to be inactive, letting the current take me to where I need to be. No more rushing, stalling, pausing, or confusing. I am supposed to be calm.<br />
<br />
Calm. Quiet. Serene. And smiling. Where I will be tomorrow, next week, I have no idea. But where ever I land is where I am supposed to be. And for the first time "I don't know" does not scare me, it doesn't not make me falter or question. It strengthens me and calls to me. It sings me to sleep and carries me forward.<br />
<br />
So I don't know. I don't know what I will do with my life. I don't know what I will say to you. I don't know what that kiss meant. I don't know. My lack of knowledge is my knowledge. The unknown is my hope, my comfort and my unexplained plan. This is exactly where I need to be. Exactly how I need to feel.<br />
<br />
The sun is bright, the water warm. The clouds white, the sky blue. There is peace in my soul. And this is not only my journey, but my destination. Moving and unmoving. Finally caught in the contradiction of the Father.<br />
<br />
<br />
Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-28110968041915241612011-08-23T23:14:00.000-07:002011-08-23T23:14:17.904-07:00PricetagsEvery once in a while your name comes across my path, and with it memories and horror stories are dragged. Covered in mud and smeared with cuts, I remember. And while it was all in the plan, on the map, from when it first began until it was at last finished, I ponder. Why? For the lessons I have learned, to the scars I carry on my soul, for my life, why? Why do we have to waste so much time? Why is the broken road so long? I am angry at how you treated me. But then at peace, it was a storm before calm. I am worth everything. Now I know. But why did it take this long for me to realize? Why did it take this amount of pain? This amount of horror, deceiving, and imagery?<br />
<br />
I will never know.<br />
<br />
But, I have hope. Hope for the future. And one day I'll be able to jump without holding back, to fall without second guessing, to love without worrying. And that day, I hope you'll realize what you lost. And I hope you'll see what I'm gaining. Why could I never see clearly until now? Why couldn't I see what everyone else could call?<br />
<br />
Whatever the case, the reason, it means as much as a ten cents to me now. Because here I am exactly where I need to be, missing the person that I should be missing. Falling for the person that's falling back. Feeling strongly for the man that's standing tall. Someone worth me. Worth it all. Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-9325395315694531932011-08-17T22:41:00.000-07:002011-08-17T22:43:13.998-07:00Arrivals and DeparturesIt is a hard thing to give your heart away. It is hard to get on a plane and leave it there. Walk away without any fear. It is hard to take a leap of faith. To believe in timing, in hope, in trust. It is difficult. Leaving your heart with someone else is one of the more difficult things to do, if not the most difficult thing to do. It's a decision in trust, in fear, in love. It's a decision one should not simply make.<br />
<br />
However with all these months, this whole past year, why did you make it so easy? How is it possible to feel such fear combined with peace all in one moment?<br />
<br />
You give up the right to protect it, to cherish it. You give up control of where it is kept, how it is treated, and if it will be broken. You relinquish almost everything, except the claim that it's ultimately yours and that it will always be returned. Whether you take it back or it is given back broken, chipped, or bruised. It's hard to leave it all out there. To leave it and walk away, hoping- praying- that everything will be okay.<br />
<br />
But for some weird reason, when I looked before I jumped, I saw you there. With open arms. And I jumped. Easily.<br />
<br />
I don't know where this will go, or even how we got here. But regardless, I'm glad we're here. As much as I'm scared of having my heart returned broken, it's not enough to keep me from handing it over. The risk is worth the reward. And so here I am.<br />
<br />
Hopefully caught- in loving arms. While leaving my heart in your hands. My tiny heart, shattered and torn and taped back together. And here, a couple hundred miles away, I feel your warmth. I feel your arms. I feel your heart beating. Beating with mine.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-64766062456701722612011-08-15T13:18:00.000-07:002011-08-15T13:18:34.579-07:00NowSomewhere between home and here. We were lost and now we're found. Right before the leap of faith, the drop of the hat, the speech of fate. There is nothing better than how we got here. Memory lane that leads us to the beginning. Past the cursed, dark, and the dreary. Past the hurt, the pain, the healing. Towards the simple, confined, and left behind. Towards the dawn of where the past alined. There.<br />
<br />
Where calm and clarity was as much as a gram of a smile, a pound of a lion, and a gate that we never questioned.<br />
<br />
Yet, here, our boundaries are no more. There existence, only in our minds. For once we can do anything. From one thing to everything. A gravel road, twists and turns, led us here. And here, we are. Not one more step or one more back.<br />
<br />
Calm. Pause. Appreciate this moment. Because as soon as the wind comes, as soon as you blink, life will be all but the same. There is no going back, no re-living. Just another beginning. A new breath, a new step, another left. So take it in. Take it all in. <br />
<br />
And where ever here may be for me, I hope you know, I think of you and dream.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-70927659097943829422011-08-09T00:24:00.000-07:002011-08-09T00:24:20.326-07:00HopefullyWhat should be hated the most is hope. That little spark that never lets you go. That second glance, wondering if he'll look back. That double take, wondering if she'd even care. That mindless dreaming we wander in to. That small flame that burns. Burns in our eyes. That's the flame or lack of it. When we light up. That sparkle. That's what hope is. That's where it lives. Fireplace eyes. Ten thousand Brown Eyed Lane. Right there in the windows. You can see that from a hundred miles away. And that's just the good part.<br />
<br />
When it dims, that's when the smoke all hits the alarm. The let down. You know what I'm talking about.<br />
<br />
It's this hope that keeps me holding my breath. But see, stupid girl, what has hope brought me before? Just a bunch of dim-witted nights, tucking myself in. Life has a funny way of making me dizzy. Round and round. Like a child's carousal.<br />
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See, this could be a good quality. You know, the optimism. But what they forget to tell you in the memo, what they leave off the terms of agreement, is the painful part. The part when hail and wind and salt water come rushing in to extinguish your light. When the stars cease to sparkle. When that tiny little piece of your heart dies. Candle, burned out.<br />
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But apart from the morbidness of the entire situation, this is the one everlasting flame. The one thing that neither hell nor Heaven, nor good or evil could ever annihilate. And us with our human emotions, we just have to hang on. And like we're wired to do, we'll relight that good ole fireplace. We cannot help ourselves.<br />
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But, hey, here's to another day.<br />
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Full of hope.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-7197860486429086232011-07-31T23:45:00.000-07:002011-07-31T23:45:14.047-07:00A Life of LoveWe will never know, nor understand how great our God is. We will never see the majesty in the plan of God. However, we can feel his love like wind. We can feel his love like rain. We can see his love in diamonds. We can see his love in eyes. We can taste his love in water.<br />
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God is good. And while we may not hold the knowledge, he willingly gives us the love. And this love, his love, is the greatest of all. In every sense, if it is sought out, it can be found. Where our human minds will fail, our hearts will out last.<br />
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Everything comes down to love. Nothing else matters. Live in love. Live in God.<br />
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Our God is an irrational love. He is against the grain, yet attune with our souls. Our God exists in the contradiction. And here, where you can be lost but found; Where you can be blind but see; Where you can be dead but alive; Where you can not know but believe, is where we can love. And we can be loved.<br />
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To know our God, is to know love. It is to show love, be love, have love, give love. Our God is an awesome God. Full of glory, majesty, all the greatest things a heart could need. But our God, greatest of all loves when no one can at all. Our God saves when we are not worthy. Because of his love we can quench our thirst. Because of his love we can fix our hunger. Because of his love we can accept chaos as peace.<br />
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Our God exists in the contradiction. The irrational place of against-human-nature and un-acknowledgeable reasoning. Our God is unconditional, irrevocable, immutable, and enduring. And with our God this love has been, is, and always will be.<br />
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And it is this love that sets a jailed man free, brings a dead man to life, and shows love to those heartbroken. We are all rejected, unwelcome, shunned, neglected, abandoned, and undervalued. And we are called by the grace of our savior Jesus Christ to a better life.<br />
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With an outstretched hand and an opened heart, our God calls us to better. He calls us to love and be loved. He calls us to not just breathe but live. He calls us to not just believe but follow.<br />
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We will never know the answer, the clue to the equation, the reason for this or the reason for that, but there is one thing we can be sure of. One thing that goes without doubt. One thing that we can rest our life in. And that is love.<br />
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God's love. And it will set us free.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-82201234451041161092011-07-30T18:29:00.000-07:002011-07-30T18:30:15.645-07:00Find MeI'm so scared you'll never know me. I'm so scared you just take me for what's right there. What about between the lines? What about being my eyes? What about words, and smiles, and tears? What about knowing me? How much time will it take for you to ask? How much time will I be left in fear?<br />
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I'm scared you'll never know me. And it's so simple for you. Once you find the lock, the key will be given to you. And all you'll have to do is use it.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-77279772394872846282011-07-16T13:31:00.000-07:002011-07-16T13:31:26.312-07:00FireI could destroy you. Devastate you. Ruin you. As you could do to me. But I am fire in your hands. Hot and heavy. I am never predictable and never containable. So, lets be real, here. Lets be honest. Playing with fire is one thing, but be prepared to get burned. Don't think you can just send sparks here or there without consequence. Fire can be beautiful, but it can be deadly. You won't be good enough until you can appreciate me. Embrace me. And accept that things will be a little messy. Tempers and all. You'll have to accept that. Because you've already lit the match, so don't turn and run. Be a man.<br />
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I'm looking for someone that is willing to drop everything to save me. Give every ounce of water to calm me. Run for me, not against me. I'm looking for someone great. Someone ready to fight fire. Someone ready to a little hot and stay. Someone that's willing to get a little close, get a little invested. And have enough courage to stay, and not too much pride to give up.<br />
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I'm looking for someone that doesn't want me to go on to great things, but someone that see the greatness I have already accomplished. Someone that's willing to understand my complexity instead of pulling the alarm. I'm looking for someone brave enough to light the match and face it.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-49329671259912550652011-07-15T10:46:00.000-07:002011-07-15T10:46:44.154-07:00LosingWe all want to win. There isn't one of us that has a drive to purposely lose. We're all wired for success and first place. We all feel strong standing tall on the podium labeled "First Place". But the deal is life is not about winning. This isn't a race, or a contest, or a game like Monopoly or Life. This is breathing, growing, and loving. That's what this is. So it's not about being the best, or the one with the most pride or accomplishments. This comes down to being humble. Being the one that can get down on your knees and admit your wrongs and apologize. It's about being the one that can give up everything at the end of the day. It's about accepting defeat, recognizing it, and embracing it. That's what life is. It's not a race, it's not about coming in first. It's about enjoying the time we have here and appreciating what we are given. It's about being able to let go of everything and embracing the one thing that really matters. And when ever you figure that one out, understand that sometimes it's better to lose, you can really learn to value. And that's when life is best lived.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1579198202200971859.post-90352322680566987562011-07-07T09:54:00.000-07:002011-07-07T09:54:51.427-07:00Passing ByLife is give and take. From moments to every day. I never knew your name, but you meant something to me.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02293990089035617958noreply@blogger.com0