There are many things that scare me. You are one of them. You have all this power to bend me and break me, make me shatter into a thousand pieces. There are a million things I could say, things I still need to say, but all that matters right now is that I'm here. That's is why falling doesn't seem so scary. You aren't so scary when I feel like I'm being caught. And that's what you like about me. I'm here and I care. I won't ever let you fall to the ground. What you need to learn is that I fall, and I fall fast. You can't keep letting other people catch me. You can't keep letting me fear alone. I need something to let me know you're here. To let me know, I may be falling, but I will be caught. I need something to work with. Something to sleep to. I can't go to sleep feeling like I'm falling in midair, "us" in some limbo between sky and earth. You take me out of my comfort zone, you make me grow. And I love that. And I work at that every day. I work and change and shift and mold into who I want to become. And I shift for you, I do. But when things are hazy, I look down and see fog and reach, but don't feel you there. I don't see hands. I just get scared. And I feel like I'm free falling. Where are you to catch me?
You want me to be confident in us, but when we start falling, you never seem like you really care to catch me. Give me time to trust you, adjust to catching me.
This is beautiful and honest. When I read it, it made me think of my relationship with God. Sometimes, I don't feel it. Somtimes I want to SEE it and have proof that he exists. But, Faith is a mystery. It is believing without seeing. This can be so hard for us humans. Sometimes, life will knock us down. But, deep inside you can find the strength to pick
ReplyDeleteyourself up. If this is about God...He can handle anything we feel. He can handle anger at HIM. He can stand our human inabilaty to not trust Him. He will always be there for us even in our times of doubt. He gives us all the time we need. If this post is about a "friendship", I know that can be very scary. It can be difficult to trust others. It is risky business to give your heart knowing that it can be broken. But, relationships are all about growing and learning and seeing ourselves through the eyes of other people. But even in a relationship, you want to be able to catch yourself. You don't want to rely on others to keep you afloat. That is when things can go terribly wrong. You must be equally yoked...together but separate. It is inevitable that our hearts will be broken at sometime in our lives. But we DO have the strength to mend and move on. Good luck on your journey. Keep the faith.