Thursday, March 22, 2012


I guess at some point I finally opened my eyes. Has anyone else noticed that there is actually no color in this world, just splotches of mix-match greys. There is clearly a right and wrong, drawn in a black sharpie line across the floor. But that's just a line, a small insignificant scratch that is barely even noticeable unless you're looking for it. And no one lives there. It's not even a fence. One might hardly call it a line. So besides that, it's all grey area. It's all moral code that there exists no common knowledge for. Everyone has their own interpretation. Their own fears and yes and no and blah blah blah. See, I think there's three types of people in this world: those that see the world in color, those who see the world in black and white, and those people like me.

Those who see it in color don't even know the half of it. But then again maybe that's how they get by. Equations. Yes and no, dark and light, acceptable and unacceptable. And they can go on searching their whole lives for what they feel is missing. I can tell you right now that no amount of color and cheer in this world will ever feel that space, you can't get grey out of blue, red or yellow.

And for those who see it as black and white, well we can just call them robots. They'll never really see any good in things, because with such a stark contradiction existing in their lives how will they ever take risks.

Then there's me. And hopefully more people like me out there. You can have just enough distinction with grey which it's tones and shades and still hold on to sanity. See when you see the world for what it is, nothing will matter, except happiness. Not money or careers or colleges. Not even food. Because with simplicity comes the ability to be content, and subsequently happiness. When you realize that the only point of life is to be happy and get through it, you can take comfort in two other things. One, that if our point is to get through, call it a race or game or whatever, then we know it is won. God did that much for us. Even more if we allow. And secondly, we can really do no wrong. Their are no wrong choices if we're just trying to be happy. And here comes that line. It's a thin one. But it's a lot easier to see once the color fades and you can focus on the important things. And with that tiny, seeming minuscule line, we can make it through.

It's funny how much clarity you can get with just simplicity. What if there was no "a + b = c", what if it was just "a + b"? And all that mattered was finding a good "b" to go with your "a"? And what if any of the variables could be plugged in to create happiness? Perhaps this is all in my head, but it's nice to know I actually have some clear thought process left, even if I'm the only one who understands it.

Someone close to me told me I run almost purely on emotions. I think that's a good thing. It gives me a head start on this happiness thing. I'll be able to feel it, and even more importantly feel it when it's wrong. I've recently spent a lot of time thinking of "what-ifs" and other paths, while I keep forgetting my decisions made, the only thing holding me back is fear and confusion. So in knowing myself, I can know I'm making the right choice. I know I'd never choose anything for "c". The outcome is not what I count on, it's the variable. And I'd never forgive myself for coloring the trees green or opening my eyes to black and white. It's grey. It always will be. It's one day at a time. And that is what matters. What good is an outcome if you have no one to share it with? After all, "a" plus nothing would leave "a = c", an equation that would never make sense and always be missing something.

No comments:

Post a Comment