Thursday, March 1, 2012

Down the Road

I've been thinking about change a lot recently. Change that will alter everything in my life right now. And the reason I haven't made a final decision about this change? Fear. Not that it will be wrong, just everything else. The consequences, the voices, the rumors. What they will say? Why am I so scared to talk about this? Maybe because I know what you will say, and perhaps I will be forced to stand still. I'm not exactly sure. Since that day, I have regretted my choice. The Lord has blessed me in my circumstance, but I'm ready to come home. I'm just afraid I won't be able to. How can I explain or make them understand? I guess it will just involve another one of those leaps of faith. I guess in my life, I have seen God in my steps, but where they have led me makes me question. How can I trust myself to make decisions, if just that has led me here? I guess, where He lights the path, I will take a step. And I will humble myself to criticism and mistake. Without that, I will get nowhere. After all there is no excuse to give up. No excuse not to fight for what will make you feel at home. See, we live in a constant battle. It's one thing to admit our mistakes. It's yet another thing to correct them. And even harder? Accepting them. At least I can hold tight to the fact that with the Lord on my side, I can win this war. In fact, it is already won. The past is the past. It's not about where you came here or how you got here. It's about what you decide to do now, where you decide to go. And when I make my decision, it's about movement. Trust, acceptance, and running the race. If I can't put my first foot to the pavement, what good is it to think? What good is it to live? And I suppose when it gets down to it, I'm not asking for permission. I'm asking for acceptance. What does it matter if I actually get it? I guess I need to take my own advice here, and stop sitting, stop pitying myself. I need to get up and slip on my running shoes. It's time to fight the fear, and start running for what I need. For what is being called of me. And God willing, it will go a little easier than I imagine...

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