Rambling

I don't remember the point that life became truly difficult. I must have been asleep. Or drunk. Because somewhere alone the way, I lost it. And I'm all alone, more than half the time. And I don't know what to do. I don't think this will get any easier. Or maybe I do. It'll be that last year. Maybe then it'll be more feasible, because then the light at the tunnel will actually be visible. It won't be abstract, it'll be real. And maybe this fairy tale will actually appear on the page. But now, I'm just rambling to an empty room.

The Distance

I will change the world for you. And that's the problem. At any moment will I cease to be worth it? Because I will find a way, when there seems to be none. I will. No questions asked, no second guessing or back-up planning. And that's why I'm worried. See, how far will you go? And will I ever really know?

Being Humble

There are few virtures that I can claim I hold... okay, maybe none that I can grasp completely. Patience, I have some of. But really being humble, that's one I feel holds the most importance. And trust me, I am far from humble. It's hard to admit your wrongs and pass up the gold stars. But here I am learning. Thank you God for the bumps in the road that make me more humble. You have taught me to apologize. And this is something I have seemed to have forgotten, but thank you for reminding me.

I'm sorry I forgot to remember.

Layered

I am split between three worlds. I live in three places. There is a fierce battle of my time, my mind, and my hands. Constantly, going, not a chance to rest. I am carefully torn. How long can I live like this? I'm not sure what to do, or where to turn. Balance at its worst. So much to keep up with and so much to lose. And some how, so far, I'm not lost. But soon, too soon, I'm going to unweave, and who will be there to tend to me with threads and sewing needles? Wish I could freeze time and take a breath. But since when does life take orders from us? When did we think we earned the right to take the wheel and drive?

I guess the one good thing for me is it's three. And three has always been my lucky number.

Blind

I can't sleep. My mind won't stop rolling on. Thinking of you. Consuming. I should have, should have, should have known. All this time. Why was I missing this?

Hourglass Beach

This is what I know of warmth and winter

Waiting in this most December

Standing weak and hiding weary

On this beach, so bleak, so dreary

Cold wet toes, as I stand

Upon my line drawn in the sand

Should I cross it if he does come

Or will my will yet stand undone

From spring to shriveled icy leaves

I seem to wait eternally

To burning sunset in the dusk

Like a statue I do rust

Waiting, hoping, thick and thin

That True Love’s hand will so lend

So one day upon my eyes

I will see my love and he be mine

And I will whisper through the snow

A warmth of gain few do know

But ‘till that day to light from dark

The day at hence I will depart

I will wait by my line

Searching, waiting, watching time

Bandaids

Baby it hurts inside
Come here and make me close my eyes
Hold me tight until the sunrise
I just want to rest a while

I don't know why this pain's so bad
It's been healing, for months I've had
You've been near me and I'm worth all of that
I wish he'd leave me, and leave me flat

Because Baby, why did I ever deserve this?
Why am I left hurting?
Why am I left burning?
I'm worth all I have, all I've missed

So, Baby just drive fast
Put the car in drive and press on the gas
I need you first and I need you last
Stand tall and pick up the glass

I miss your smile and your light laugh
I miss your strong arms and the fun we've had
Come quickly now just like a race
I need you now, your warm embrace

Baby, hold me, small in your hands
Be my peace, my calm, my raging man
My somber beach, water and the sands
Snow and slope, a safe place to land

Be my guard house, my light house,
Out on the prowl
Safe fences, sweet kisses,
Oh, I'm home now

Oh, I'm home now