For the first time, I know what I should be doing. And that is nothing. Life should be coming to me. I do not need to worry or plan. No more running or backing up. All there is is a slow steady, calming movement forward. Like floating. Floating down a soft stream in God's hands. I am supposed to be inactive, letting the current take me to where I need to be. No more rushing, stalling, pausing, or confusing. I am supposed to be calm.
Calm. Quiet. Serene. And smiling. Where I will be tomorrow, next week, I have no idea. But where ever I land is where I am supposed to be. And for the first time "I don't know" does not scare me, it doesn't not make me falter or question. It strengthens me and calls to me. It sings me to sleep and carries me forward.
So I don't know. I don't know what I will do with my life. I don't know what I will say to you. I don't know what that kiss meant. I don't know. My lack of knowledge is my knowledge. The unknown is my hope, my comfort and my unexplained plan. This is exactly where I need to be. Exactly how I need to feel.
The sun is bright, the water warm. The clouds white, the sky blue. There is peace in my soul. And this is not only my journey, but my destination. Moving and unmoving. Finally caught in the contradiction of the Father.
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