Hourglass Beach

This is what I know of warmth and winter

Waiting in this most December

Standing weak and hiding weary

On this beach, so bleak, so dreary

Cold wet toes, as I stand

Upon my line drawn in the sand

Should I cross it if he does come

Or will my will yet stand undone

From spring to shriveled icy leaves

I seem to wait eternally

To burning sunset in the dusk

Like a statue I do rust

Waiting, hoping, thick and thin

That True Love’s hand will so lend

So one day upon my eyes

I will see my love and he be mine

And I will whisper through the snow

A warmth of gain few do know

But ‘till that day to light from dark

The day at hence I will depart

I will wait by my line

Searching, waiting, watching time

Bandaids

Baby it hurts inside
Come here and make me close my eyes
Hold me tight until the sunrise
I just want to rest a while

I don't know why this pain's so bad
It's been healing, for months I've had
You've been near me and I'm worth all of that
I wish he'd leave me, and leave me flat

Because Baby, why did I ever deserve this?
Why am I left hurting?
Why am I left burning?
I'm worth all I have, all I've missed

So, Baby just drive fast
Put the car in drive and press on the gas
I need you first and I need you last
Stand tall and pick up the glass

I miss your smile and your light laugh
I miss your strong arms and the fun we've had
Come quickly now just like a race
I need you now, your warm embrace

Baby, hold me, small in your hands
Be my peace, my calm, my raging man
My somber beach, water and the sands
Snow and slope, a safe place to land

Be my guard house, my light house,
Out on the prowl
Safe fences, sweet kisses,
Oh, I'm home now

Oh, I'm home now

Pondering

I close my eyes and see your face
I crave your blue eyes and your close embrace

Where are you now?
How many miles away?

Losing Grip

The sad thing is, you are but a dream to me. No more real than the distant thoughts of typical college aged girl, wishing to be loved and kissed and to be asked to dance. And you forget that for moments at a time you can hold me, but at some point, perhaps today or tomorrow or sometime soon, I will wisp away like an evaporating tear. And just like that I'll be gone in your rear view mirror.

So do me this favor. Decide now, not later.

The Mantle

If you wonder why I am silent, it is because silence is never ruined. The most quiet things are those not touched, or changed, or over worked. Silence saves. It keeps the beautiful beautiful and keeps the nail un-rusted. The things I speak less of are those most important. Those that I keep in a glass case on my mantle and dust everyday. Those things are my most cherished moments, and keeping them silent and hidden keeps them safe. Safe from harm, from ruin, from disappearance. They keep their value. So I seal my lips and keep hidden my heart and it's mantle and all that lies there. The beauty of treasure is the journey to find it. And those that find it, can add themselves to my collection of glory.

Calm Waters

For the first time, I know what I should be doing. And that is nothing. Life should be coming to me. I do not need to worry or plan. No more running or backing up. All there is is a slow steady, calming movement forward. Like floating. Floating down a soft stream in God's hands. I am supposed to be inactive, letting the current take me to where I need to be. No more rushing, stalling, pausing, or confusing. I am supposed to be calm.

Calm. Quiet. Serene. And smiling. Where I will be tomorrow, next week, I have no idea. But where ever I land is where I am supposed to be. And for the first time "I don't know" does not scare me, it doesn't not make me falter or question. It strengthens me and calls to me. It sings me to sleep and carries me forward.

So I don't know. I don't know what I will do with my life. I don't know what I will say to you. I don't know what that kiss meant. I don't know. My lack of knowledge is my knowledge. The unknown is my hope, my comfort and my unexplained plan. This is exactly where I need to be. Exactly how I need to feel.

The sun is bright, the water warm. The clouds white, the sky blue. There is peace in my soul. And this is not only my journey, but my destination. Moving and unmoving. Finally caught in the contradiction of the Father.

Pricetags

Every once in a while your name comes across my path, and with it memories and horror stories are dragged. Covered in mud and smeared with cuts, I remember. And while it was all in the plan, on the map, from when it first began until it was at last finished, I ponder. Why? For the lessons I have learned, to the scars I carry on my soul, for my life, why? Why do we have to waste so much time? Why is the broken road so long? I am angry at how you treated me. But then at peace, it was a storm before calm. I am worth everything. Now I know. But why did it take this long for me to realize? Why did it take this amount of pain? This amount of horror, deceiving, and imagery?

I will never know.

But, I have hope. Hope for the future. And one day I'll be able to jump without holding back, to fall without second guessing, to love without worrying. And that day, I hope you'll realize what you lost. And I hope you'll see what I'm gaining. Why could I never see clearly until now? Why couldn't I see what everyone else could call?

Whatever the case, the reason, it means as much as a ten cents to me now. Because here I am exactly where I need to be, missing the person that I should be missing. Falling for the person that's falling back. Feeling strongly for the man that's standing tall. Someone worth me. Worth it all.